Towards the end of last week, I told myself that I’m going to be more positive. If you know me personally, then you might expect the opposite. For most of my life I’ve been notorious for not smiling and my miserable nature. Even one of my teachers in high school called me “little miss misery.” To my friends, I’m the one who utters negative, sarcastic comments. I’m basically Cristina Yang.
Here are some Cristina Yang quotes if you’re unfamiliar with Grey’s Anatomy:
I’m also similar to Buttercup (the one in green) from The Powerpuff Girls:
As much as I appreciate Cristina and Buttercup’s wit in the disguise of depressing pessimism, they’re not the type of characters I want to portray anymore. Pessimism and I are going our separate ways. For a long time, my lens was stuck and I couldn’t imagine my cup half full, but now I’m refocusing.
Here’s the thing, energy is infectious. There’s always that moment when I’m melancholy or infuriated for reasons unknown to myself until I’m in the presence of someone who is unbelievably joyful. In those moments, I wonder why I was so damn sad in the first place.
I didn’t realize how soul sucking my energy was until I was alone for an unusual amount of time. I confirmed my theory when I came across someone with a similar attitude. It’s like all the positive energy in the room just hid in a corner when they walked in. Sometimes it’s subtle, but the simplest way to notice a shift is by being aware of the energy of others. Eventually, you’ll be conscious of your own.
that saunter around
as if they
own the place.
Realistically, I won’t be positive all the time. Within light there is darkness, and within darkness there is light. The concept of yin and yang is something I truly admire. Balance is everything and everywhere.
Transitioning won’t be quick nor easy. My plan is to be as optimistic as possible so that it becomes reflexive. Soon, my negative spirit will simply be a speck in the midst of my positive spirit. It’ll exist for the sake of balance. My intention isn’t to promise a sunny disposition every day, but to promise that even on cloudy days, my sun glimmers from behind.
No longer do I fear the vulnerability that comes with positivity and change. Stagnancy is my fear.
Sara Smiles Playlist:
- The Jacksons – Blame It On The Boogie
- Bruno Mars – Perm
- Ayo & Teo – Rolex
- Childish Gambino – Pop Thieves
- Willow – dRuGz
- Smino – Anita
- Childish Gambino – So Into You (Cover)
- Noname – Freedom Interlude